Putin’s Cronies: We Should Have Blown Up Biden in Kyiv
Russian pundits were furious over Biden’s surprise visit to Ukraine, Putin gives speech about gays and traitors.
In recent days, pundits and experts on Russian state television discussed the anticipated visit of U.S. President Joe Biden to Poland, confidently asserting that he would never dare travel to war-torn Ukraine. The news that Biden spent Presidents Day in Kyiv, alongside Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, hit the Kremlin’s mouthpieces like a ton of bricks.
Visibly unsettled, 60 Minutes host Olga Skabeeva announced, “The White House has confirmed that Biden really is in the Ukrainian capital. He really came to the Ukrainian capital. Zelensky just published the pictures... There he is, Biden, in the flesh.” The program then played footage of the smiling American president walking alongside Zelensky and shaking hands with Ukrainian officials. The clip was set to dramatic music more suitable for a horror movie.
The reactions in the studio matched the sinister music. Military expert Evgeny Buzhinsky surmised, “Clearly, the West is headed towards an escalation... I think we should also cautiously start to walk down a path of escalation... The West has many vulnerabilities.” Buzhinsky floated his ideas for attacking Americans in retaliation for their alleged involvement in blowing up the Nord Stream 2 pipeline, proposing that Russia attack American pipelines at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, the North Sea, and the Norwegian Sea.
Unimpressed, Skabeeva interrupted, “At the same time, Americans seemingly assume that we aren’t planning to respond to anything, since they’re sending even their Biden to Ukraine.” She questioned the wisdom of Russia going along with the trip and purportedly agreeing not to strike Kyiv during the presidential visit: “If we gave these security guarantees, then what for?” Buzhinsky replied, “Well, you know, perhaps we could have whacked Biden, but it would have been too much.” Skabeeva retorted, “So it’s too much to whack Biden, but it’s OK to threaten Putin and it’s also fine to blow up the Nord Stream? It’s not about aggression, it’s about the logic: where is it?”
Buzhinsky didn’t object to the idea of killing the American president, as long as his replacement was more in line with Russia’s interests. He wasn’t comfortable with the thought of Vice President Kamala Harris at the helm, claiming that, unlike Biden, Harris would be completely unrestrained in her response to Russia and would present an even worse option for the Kremlin. As opposed to Skabeeva’s suggestion of assassinating Biden, he regretted that the U.S. president wasn’t at least terrorized during his trip. Buzhinsky daydreamed that if Biden traveled to Ukraine by helicopter, he would have been escorted by Russian planes all the way to Kyiv, leaving him with an indelible impression.
Irritated, Skabeeva pointed out, “Following your logic, if we’re not starting this confrontation because the replacement will be even worse, then why did we even start this at all? What if everything will only get worse?” She claimed that Biden is “promising to destroy and dismember the Russian Federation.” Buzhinsky stressed that the American president was not the first world leader to visit Kyiv, and Russia should have started by taking out former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson: “If we wanted to do this, we should have started much sooner.”
Buzhinsky suggested that Russia should start its retaliatory actions against the United States by striking Elon Musk’s Starlink internet service, launching a series of cyberattacks, and pulling out of the grain deal by refusing to renew it, since it is on the verge of expiration.
Political analyst Sergei Markov, who was reportedly a former advisor to Putin, was likewise unable to lighten up the mood. With a heavy sigh, Markov said, “I look at the sunny city of Kyiv... after junta usurped the power in 2014, I regret that we’ve been prohibited from visiting it. We hope that thanks to the Army of Russia, we’ll be able to come to our glorious city... to enjoy all the beauty that is currently being enjoyed by the leader of the occupation force, President of the United States Joe Biden.
Putin Tries To ‘Outwoke’ DeathSantis In Bizzaro Speech:
Dozens of Russian lawmakers, military officials, and veterans assembled in Moscow on Tuesday to listen to President Vladimir Putin deliver his first speech to the country’s parliament since the start of his full-scale invasion of Ukraine last year.
But some members of the audience appeared to doze off as the Russian leader, having nothing new to say, resorted to mumbling the same claims about “Nazis” and the West that he has repeatedly used to try and justify his war.
Apparently in an attempt to up the ante, however, he offered a new twist on the Kremlin’s tired claim that Moscow “isn’t at war with the people of Ukraine.”
Instead, he suggested, the battle next door against “neo-Nazis” in the “Kyiv regime” is also an attempt to protect Russia from rampant pedophilia and gender-neutral pronouns.
“Look at what they are doing in the West… They distort historical facts, do not stop their attacks on Russian culture, on the Russian Orthodox Church,” Putin said. “The West is perverting the family, the national identity. They are making pedophilia the norm in their lives, and priests encourage same-sex marriage. Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.”
“The Anglican Church is planning—so far only planning—to look into the idea of a gender-neutral God. What do you say to that?” Putin said.
“We are obligated to protect our children from degradation and degeneracy,” he declared.
Of the “collective West,” he said: “It’s they who started the war. We have used and are using force to stop it.”
In one of the more notable moments in the nearly two-hour speech, Putin announced that Russia will not longer allow NATO countries to inspects its nuclear arsenal, as Moscow is “suspending” its participation in the last remaining nuclear arms control treaty between Russia and the U.S., the New START nuclear nonproliferation agreement.
“Our relations have degraded and that’s completely and utterly the U.S.’s fault,”he said.
Putin also took aim at his own citizens who took a stand against the war or fled the country. “We will not settle scores with those who have abandoned their homeland,” he said of Russia’s “national traitors.”
“Let that remain on their conscience. Let them live with that. The main thing is that citizens of Russia give them a moral assessment,” he said, before the audience erupted into applause as he insisted the entire country supports his so-called “special military operation.”
As for the war itself, almost a year after the Kremlin’s plan to take the Ukrainian capital in a matter of days failed spectacularly, Putin insisted yet again that victory is just around the corner.
“It’s impossible to defeat Russia on the battlefield,” he said, claiming the very “existence” of Russia is at stake.
He also offered a special shout-out to the tens of thousands of men called up and killed in his war, along with the families they left behind.
“We all understand how hard it is right now for the relatives of fallen troops. Russia remembers them, and it is our duty to support these families. The family of each participant of the special military operation should be at the center of attention, surrounded by care and honor,” he said, proposing the creation of a special government fund to support them.
The Russian leader went on to call for a moment of silence for the thousands of young men he summoned to die for him on the battlefield with his “partial mobilization” order last fall.
“I ask you to honor the memory of our comrades who gave their lives for Russia, the civilians, the elderly, women and children who died under shelling at the hands of neo-Nazis and punishers,” he said.
“Russia will respond to all challenges, because we are one country, one big, united nation, confident in our abilities. The truth is with us,” he said in closing.
The Russian president’s speech didn’t go over well with some of the “patriotic” military bloggers the Kremlin has sought to use to bolster support.
“‘We will do everything for victory!’ - V.V. Putin. Great, give Wagner ammunition,” wrote one Telegram channel connected to the mercenary unit Rusich.
Several other channels connected to the Wagner mercenary group ignored the speech completely.
“Blah blah blah, there’s no point listening further,” wrote Igor Strelkov, the former commander of Kremlin-backed troops in Donetsk.
“Again the lying West deceived us. (Just a little bit more and we’ll stop trusting them),” another pro-war channel quipped.
Russian state-run media, meanwhile, did its best to prop up the redundant speech, with RIA Novosti gushing that “the audience applauded 53 times” during Putin’s address and the “whole world” watched.
